


What I Want to Tell You

by aconsultinghuntress26



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Gen, Loneliness, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 06:29:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16383083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aconsultinghuntress26/pseuds/aconsultinghuntress26
Summary: V, or rather Jihyun, has something that he wants to say...





	What I Want to Tell You

**Author's Note:**

> So this doesn't actually have the reader/MC in the work or directly mentioned. It is meant to be read as the MC being the intended audience/recipient. 
> 
> I feel really connected to V/Jihyun in a lot of ways. As a result this little drabble is something that is incredibly personal. Most of this are actually my own words to someone that I wish I could say them to. I had read my unsent message over and immediately thought of Jihyun, especially what his thought process might have been like towards the end of his route. Of course, I did rework some of it and kept other highly personal information out. So please be gentle with any criticism. If you enjoyed this at all please let me know. 
> 
> This is my first EVER Mystic Messenger writing.

**What I Want to Tell You**

 

I'm not being honest with myself about a few things, and they all relate to the same... _theme_. I'm not being me. I feel like I've lost part of my identity. I get these moments where I just feel lost. That I'm living someone else's life. My personality has changed, and I'm not sure what the exact cause is for that. And so...I’ve started thinking about what I want.  
  
I know that I don't want to interrupt other people's lives. Especially those that have so much going on themselves. I don’t want them to worry. I don’t want to burden them. I've now isolated myself and I'm not entirely sure why. I don't want to be this person. I want to be myself again.   
  
Unfortunately what I want gets drowned out when I forcibly remind myself they just can't happen. I've somehow conditioned myself to do this. I'm not good enough. I've still fucked up and therefore don't deserve certain things. I know that there are people that care about me. That want me around. But there are times when I just feel so incredibly alone.   
  
I'm not someone that can make another happy. I'm not someone that another can love. No one _wants_ to love me the way I crave. Part of me knows that I am worthy of this type of love, full of affection and care. But a louder part of me doesn't agree. Which just shows that I'm not ready. I’m still not ready and I don't see a point where I ever will be. Again, this is because I tell myself I don't deserve to be loved or cared for by another. I'm not sure what it is I did to not deserve or be worthy of happiness, but I tell myself this over and over again.   
  
I want to get away. To just leave everything behind and start over.  I want to create the version of me that I want to be. A version that people like. A version where my confidence is regained and I'm doing things that make me happy.   
  
But I don’t think I can. There is too much that I have to be here for. If I just left without a word like I want to then the weight of the guilt from what and who I left behind would eat me alive. I feel restrained by my own insecurities and anxieties. 

 

And I want to tell you this. I really do, but I can’t bring myself to drag you into the mess that’s going on in my mind. It is not your responsibility to fix me. I must fix myself. I must be true to myself and love myself. All so that I can love you the way I love myself.


End file.
